Starting a Happiness Support Group

We live in a culture that encourages us to feel dissatisfied and to postpone happiness until we've purchased our next product or found our next relationship or had our next adventure or finished our never-ending-list-of-things-to-do. To escape this pressure, it's helpful to have a support group.

There are two ways to start any kind of group or movement.

The first is to announce a meeting for all who are interested. This way can attract a large number, but that number will include some who need a lot of attention, and these folks will absorb too much of your energy and weaken the group.

The second is to share your idea with the one person you know who is the most free of distress. The two of you then work out your program, resolve your differences, and when you are solid together, find the next most free and clear person, and introduce him or her to your group. Again, work out, resolve, and when the three of you are solid together, find your fourth person. And so on until you feel that you've reached your limit. Over time, the more distressed folks will benefit and improve just from being around you and your group members because your happiness will be contagious.

Guidelines for meetings:

The one absolutely essential thing is that everyone feel safe, and to insure safety, there are two guidelines.

The first is confidentiality. Nothing is ever repeated outside the group, and after the meeting another person's concern is not brought up, not even among ourselves, so people don't feel talked about, and not to that person, who may not want to be reminded of it at a later time.

The second is support. There is no confronting, no analysis, no criticism, and no advice-giving (unless someone asks for advice, and even then it's better to ask leading questions than to try to rescue, e.g., "What have you thought of so far?" "What might happen if you ___ ?") Instead, we have expressions of support and encouragement and unconditional love.

When these guidelines are not observed, people don't feel safe to share, and not much happens in the group (or in the family, either, for that matter). But when there's safety and unconditional love, we can watch people grow.